Friday, April 10, 2009

Tia Brown: Should You Give Your Ex Another Chance?


This week I take on the challenging decision on whether to give an ex another chance and how to make friends when you’re the new kid on the block.

Should you give an ex a second chance? Or third chance or etc…?One More Chance in NYC

Dear One More Chance,
Only you can decide whether an ex is worthy of another shot at love, but there are a few things you should ask yourself. First, are you revisiting this relationship because you genuinely believe this is the love of your life or due to loneliness? The single scenes can be fun, but really taxing and dating an ex is a quick fix because of the instant gratification-but as time passes you’ll start to remember why things tanked. Secondly, has this person improved on the issues that caused the split? If they’re still lazy, unfaithful or just plain ugly— in their ways— why will it work this time around? Lastly, what’s different about you? Hopefully you’ve worked on any issues that you had that contributed to the demise of the relationship. After pondering these questions you’ll be able to conclude whether rekindling this romance or keeping the flames doused is best.

How do you make ‘girlfriends’ in a new city? Male friends are easy to make or come-by. As I have moved a couple of times since college, I have found it challenging to create sincere girlfriend relationships. I have met women that I like and have clicked with, but what do you say…can I get your number? In Search of Sisterhood

Dear In Search of Sisterhood,
Instead of focusing on making new friendships try putting more energy into strengthening the ones you have. Whether it’s bi-weekly calls or weekly emails, communicating with someone who “gets you” will help take the sting off of being galpal-less in a new place. Sadly, as people get older they can become more cliquish and settled in their routines, so many tend to be less welcoming - but that doesn’t mean you’ll be downing Cosmos solo forever. Try joining organizations, classes or activities that pique your interest. Your new membership will be personally fulfilling and allow you to meet other ladies who share similar hobbies. If you meet someone you hit it off with don’t be afraid to make the first move – get those digits! Set up a time to meet her for coffee, dinner or exercise class to get to know each other better. If the person brushes you aside more than twice let it go, she’s just not that into you. Move on to the next galpal of your dreams. True friendship isn’t something that can be forced; it’s either there or isn’t.

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